We need to talk more about reducing "tone policing" here. I understand you want people to use content warnings, but guess what? They don't have to! If they don't do it, just unfollow them.

But please, don't harass them. That's what drove away our last big wave.

Do whatever you need to feel safe, but harassing people to your standards doesn't make THEM feel safe. Stop it.

in reply to Scott Jenson

I generally agree with the sentiment here, I'd just add that the appropriate use of CWs should be clearly stated in the server rules, and posts breaking them should be reported to the server's admin to handle, rather than a bunch of people from different servers forming a perhaps well-meaning mob and repeating the same message.

Have you seen this poll, by the way?

stefanbohacek.online/@stefan/1…

Nicely shows how leading by example works best!

in reply to Scott Jenson

Would like to suggest combining "tone policing" with how we can make it easier for new users to grasp how every instance can set their own "rules" for their users - often in a CoC and/or ToS.

But within limits, as otherwise risk getting defederated.

Some guidelines on making it easy for users to find someones home instance and the rules it has could also be good. Both for instance admins and users.

in reply to Thomas Svensson 🖖

@tsvenson the tone of the tone policing matters too. For example, a suggestion that using appropriate hashtags (to help filters) and/or CWs might actually increase reach since people who care about this will only boost properly tagged and/or CWed posts will elicit a different reaction than a shouting match to the tone of «CW YOUR POLITICS, ASSHOLE».
in reply to Oblomov

@oblomov

I've now been a mod on a top 10 instance for half a year. During that time been exposed to quite a few reports. Many that the team have discussed how to handle, where I have learned a ton from my much more experienced team mates.

It has been humbling about so many things needed to make the fediverse a good place. Not just for us who fit in already. Also for many more, including those it will be a challenge adjusting to how things work here - from what they are used to.

@scottjenson

in reply to Blain Smith

@blainsmith I don't think it's such a problem, at least I haven't seen it be with the people I follow....

I guess it's a kind gesture to put CW if you know that some people don't want to see/can't see without panic, e.g. spiders.
I don't think such warnings are a bad thing in general. Things get bad if done excessively and we all may draw that line in different places. 🤷

Then again I make use of filters a lot to block out posts about politics. I like that I can easily unto filters and read posts anyway.

in reply to Scott Jenson

I've already had a few randos in my mentions trying to tell me either:

1) It's ok to correct people if done politely
Just because you use polite words doesn't mean it's polite. If you're giving people advice they didn't ask for, you're harassing them.

2) My request was a form of tone policing
Asking people to not harass others is not "tone policing", it's basic trust and safety. It's that classic sad defence that "you're intolerant too!" if you call out intolerance.

Ummmm, no

in reply to Scott Jenson

Have you considered this idea?

stefanbohacek.online/@stefan/1…


Hmm, I wonder if this would work as a better warning to show when replying to non-mutuals on here.

"It looks like you're replying to a stranger! Keep in mind that your reply may one day be read back to you at court."

#mastodon #fediverse #SocialMedia #mansplaining


in reply to Scott Jenson

the distinction we should make is re tagging others, not what you post with nobody tagged. when tagging others, be super considerate. if it might come off as nagging, don't do it.

I want us to be the social media network for everyone, but some do not want us to get bigger and most of those people are the reason this place survived the leanest years. that's tough to deal with. it's a huge conversation, esp when we're the only design that can handle that size well. ugh.

in reply to william.maggos

@wjmaggos I appreciate your points, we all want this to be an inclusive, safe place.

My only issue is that giving people advice they didn't ask for, is still aggressive. It doesn't matter if you use nice words.

This needs to be solved at the instance level. Police your instance all you want, get the culture you want there. But leave other instances alone. It just doesn't scale to think you can "fix" the other 10000.

If they're not doing it the way you want, then unfollow them

in reply to Scott Jenson

not sure we disagree.

but I also want a place where people disagree without being disagreeable. I want people to interact here like they would IRL. I want to be corrected sometimes. I want to see stuff I think is wrong or untrue sometimes. it's harder without many of the social cues we have IRL but trying to make this a place where we never see something upsetting won't be good either. it's very much like the web + email. it should be open but not annoying or people won't use it.

in reply to william.maggos

@wjmaggos As an old white guy, I've had a personal journey here. It's taken me awhile to understand that being comfortable with being corrected is a privileged place. To see that others didn't have this same comfort level was a big step, but it was also difficult to see how correcting people without being asked is an intrusion. It may be welcome some of the time, but it's still an intrusion.

But this is a very general point. I'm just saying to do this over CWs just feels so unnecessary.

in reply to Scott Jenson

@Scott Jenson I completely agree. I always try to make it clear to users of my forums that they shouldn't object to the way other users post.
Users can report any rule violations to us moderators either through the integrated reporting system or by direct message. If they don't receive a satisfactory response, they can mute or block that user. But they shouldn't harass other users, otherwise the social Fediverse will be under such pressure that only the troublemakers will remain.